Thursday, July 23, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
It has been twelve days since I landed at the Anna International Airport at Meenambakkam, chennai. The runback home may not be for this; may not be for that. But, it was also a part of the desires that drove me all the way, across some 4000 miles. It was about my brother...
As brothers, our thoughts and beliefs seldom contradicted unlike our physique. We had been discussing, over the past ten instances that we spent at Elliot's Beach, regarding the way we see things around us. I am not sure as why my brother was rebellious about being amicable at home. Still, I understood that he never wanted to. It was a kind of a compulsive personality disorder that he had developed, just the way I had had when I was of his age. I was even worse being compounded with the Cognitive Disorder of Progressives and a Borderline Personality Disorder (Comorbid). In spite of that, I managed to keep myself alive at the worst of my situations with extraordinary supports from the most valuable friends and impeccable love.
It was 10.30 PM the last time we reached the Elliot's Beach Corridor. In the previous nine visits, we had been little earlier to our spot, somewhere around 9 o’clock. May be, it is the breeze at the beach, which fuels our mutual passion of being sagacious. I ever had a feeling that I was something different and am waiting to something that is totally radically enlightening. Nevertheless I had the respect for every single soul around me. It was the one that I learnt from the past love-life. (Learning can be from the insight of either – others’ best or their faults. I don’t prefer to express how I learnt it! J) I believed that this brother might also be a victim of a delusion of that kind.
It took me four hard years to complete the book on “Life for Dummies”. And, now this soul was not left alone and hence, restrained from reading that book. I was given the chance of reading it, only when I was alone. I started walking through it, only when I had the time to do – being bored by a zero chance to perform the rebel-rituals! It was when, I didn’t have anything more to be rebellious about!! There was nothing around me and that gave me everything that I wanted. This brother didn’t have that kind of space around. So, I felt the duty of showing him the book, in that critical hour. All I could understand was that it was time for my brother to realize the wonderful book on his hand. He had the pages but didn’t find the time to read. And, I realized that Elliot’s Beach might give him the privilege of looking on to his palm.
I decided to give him an abridged version of what he had to know from them. The past nine visits to Elliot’s laid the foundation. And, I never knew that this night – I would build it, until the minute before I built it. It started with a very silly question from my brother, “What would you change in your past, if you had been given a chance to that? You can use it just once and only once!”
I replied, “I would wait for a worse past that might happen someday in future.”
Then he added a constraint that the gift of change was valid for just that day. I said, “May be, I would use them to change the mind sets of my love’s parents for whom I had to give up the most important thing of my life”
He gave a smile and stayed silent. May be, he wanted me to post him the same question. I did.
He said, “I wouldn’t have taken Biotechnology and I would have changed that option. But then, I had a spark only when you told, ‘You cannot always make the right choice, but it is up to you to make the choice right!’ So, I would have asked for my mom, the way she is today, to have been from my childhood.”
It was my turn to post a smile and added, “May be, you should have been 21 years old when you were that kid to get the mother that you have today.” I wanted to tell him that nothing was wrong now and nothing would have been any better.
He gave a smile again, seeing his silliness shattered. I realized that I should tell him about one of most important lessons that I had ever learnt - the love life. I had been in search of love from people who were resilient about it. I was almost deaf to the people who poured love on me. There were thousands, who cared about me, and yet all my senses were praying for her love to sprinkle on me. I almost forgot that there was my mother back at home, praying for me and fighting all her odds, just for the sake of keeping me happy. There were times when she needed a shoulder, and I had been mean to that even. Infact, I believed that it was her destiny to suffer, giving birth to a child like me – the worst prodigy.